Silver Linings from the Darkest Timeline: There is Some Hope in Dan Harmon’s Exit

It’s almost been 24 hours since the news of Dan Harmon’s forced exit from Community hit the interwebs and it’s a sad day indeed. While this sentiment has already been said, I would like to comment on the news by saying this move probably assures that Community will never hit the creative genius that it’s shown sustained flashes of before. The best shows (Louie, Mad Men, Arrested Development, etc…) are almost always steered by the unique, creative force of one person (take that hive mind!) and now that person—along with an alarming amount of the show’s writers, has been removed from Greendale’s campus. However, even as we stew in the darkest timeline, I feel there are a few silver linings worth mentioning.

1. The Community season three finale works well as a series finale

Not only was the most recent episode a back-door finale, it was a really good one. It was full of laughs and ended by placing all of the characters in new and exciting places while tipping its hat at the journey we’ve been on so far. So even if the show comes back as a shell of its former self, the Community fan community can easily look back at Introduction to Finality as the unofficial ending, just as Scrubs fans ignore season 9. Harmon’s exit paired with Community‘s renewal means that, in an ironically depressing way, fans can have their cake and eat it too: the show might still be good enough to enjoy and the beautiful corpse is still in play as well.

2. Dan Harmon went out like a Badass and will create again

While Harmon is admittedly not good at other aspects of his job, his skills as a writer are unquestionable. What’s even more certain, however, is that Harmon now has a cult-audience that seems to share similar creative values with him. It’s been reported that one of the major reasons behind Harmon’s firing was his refusal to make the show more broad— one of the main factors in the show’s consistently low ratings. Provided he doesn’t lose this philosophy, like some cult, comedy writers apparently have, he’s going to get a chance to do it again— hopefully with a cable network where the ratings pressure won’t be so high.

3. The new showrunners are actually really talented

If Harmon’s exit was a must, it would have been ideal if an experienced writer with the show took over, but this wasn’t the case as the show has been hemorrhaging creative staff for weeks now and second-in-command Chris McKenna had no interest in working on the show without Harmon. Still, new showrunners David Guarascio and Moses Port are both very talented and come from the similarly quick-paced Happy Endings. The situation is still shitty, but it is better than cancellation.

In all likelihood, the audience’s rejection of a Harmon-less show (combined with the show’s new position in the Friday Night Death Slot) will probably lead to a quick demise. I predict the show will air about five episodes, before being pulled and having the rest of the season burned off quietly on some obscure nights. But, if I’m wrong, and the show’s quality is high enough to keep the fan community’s passion near its current level, it should succeed in getting at least full 22 episodes next year and possibly a Season Five. Sadly, #sixseasonsandamovie seems more unlikely than ever.

Your Blog Sucks.

Code2Ave sucks.

That is probably the sentiment that most people have had in 2010. Fair enough. We haven’t done shit on this website and probably have lost our fair share of readers. Thats our bad. Life the statefarm commercial says, life comes at you fast.

Fools on here at c2a are trying to get on with their lives but failing the hardest. Its all good though because were still sort of young.

Anywho, because I am marginally unemployed (meaning that I can eligible for the workforce and can work, but do not have work) I will focus on updating more often and giving fools a reason to come back here. In the meantime, I refuse to get a real job this summer and will begin padding my post-college resume with a job running a fireworks tent with Jonny D.

More details on those shenanigans later.

-Royal

Coyote Ugly: Not just an ironic name

Royal and I recently just spent some time kicking it in Denver Colorado. The sunshine state. Purple mountains majesty, thin air, and home to the biggest disappointment since the Erin Andrews sex tape. That disappointment….

Ass Shaking Videos vs. BET Uncut

Now back in high school it was all about stayin up late on the weekends to catch BET Uncut. Now if you don’t know anything about BET Uncut… it was all about ass shaking videos. See the kids now a days don’t have that luxury because the world is all about being politically correct and yadda yadda yadda. The thing about BET Uncut was that it came on at 2am and lasted till around 4am. Perfect for coming home twisted and wanting to see something a tad beyond a girlsgonewild infomercial…

Come on Rock. Really?

How could one of my favorite childhood characters go from this

and

(notice Rock’s fantastic reaction to the Stunner)

to this….

?

The Rock must be strapped for cash.

D.A. the Dannon Abomination.

Relationshits: Drunken Hook Ups

So I’m going to blame it on the a-a-alcohol, and that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Now, if i have been drinking heavily, not going to front, I’m in heat. If I need a place to crash and someone offers and I don’t have to sleep on the floor, well I’m going to sleep in the bed. If I sleep in the bed I am straight without hooking up, even if I know I can get me some.

I’m buzzed, I try to sleep, and if a lady starts stroking my Magic Johnson (No HIV) and gets him ready for the game,  Well damnit, then he wants to play. I try not to do any kissing, because well she started shit, I don’t want to do anything. Lets just say this was bad. How bad? So bad. She was giving me an hj, and things had happened with this betty before, not proud of it, but what’s done is done, and well was getting done again. No previous time had it been good, so what made me think it would be good this time? Absolutely nothing, I knew it was going to be terrible. Terrible to the point that I had to imagine I was just beating off with large breasts in my hand. Terrible to the point that, she had a towel wrapped around me so my little swimmers wouldn’t dive off the deep only end be lost forever, she didn’t feel my warm juices flowing and I had to fake cumming after really ejaculating so she would stop. Never had I ever faked an orgasm, my head was racing like was that believable?

Aside: Faking that shit is complicated, fuck women who do that all the time, really a guy doesn’t care if you fake it, more than likely he’s going to get off regardless. If you don’t offer pointers or suggestions, well then you just get stuck faking and are left unsatisfied. Back to the tale…

It’s done, or so I thought. She looks at me and says my turn. I think this is bull shit, I did not ask for this, I wanted to sleep. Then she starts eating my face. Up to this point we hadn’t kissed. I was cool with that. I would like to think I am a damn good kisser, but I made it a point to be terrible. Moving my tongue too fast, to just not moving my mouth at all letting her do the work, hoping she would just give up and stop. Then it happens, I am laughing in my head, because I realize I am going to write about this moment in my life. Before I can enjoy that thought any longer, I feel my air being expelled from my lungs when she rolled on top of me like a baker kneading dough. I usually don’t mind a woman being on top, however, if the woman weighs more than I do I am not a fan. I like when I can breath with ease, or I am out of breath and it’s hard to breath because of strenuous activity on my end, not because I’m laying there being eating like a hostess cupcake.

I realize she is not going to get off, until I make some sort of attempt to get her off. I should have attempted to suplex her, but worried bout pulling a muscle. I resorted for a difficult manevour, a reach around which almost dislocated my shoulder in an attempt to double click her mouse, but it was barely that. It was more like toys that have a try me button, I’m messing around with it without really taking everything out to play. Aparently I did a good job, I mean I wanted her to get off in more ways than one because after not wanting to kiss her, and getting a horrible hand job, it was the least I could do. After a couple of minutes, she rolled over off me, I took my first breath in 13 minutes, regained feelings in my legs, she went to sleep, I was happy it was over.

Recap:
- big girls will take advantage of you
- the possibility of sex might get cha, be aware at all times
- don’t go through too much bullshit for these drunk and hot girls
- don’t trade credit for coochie
- women are scandelous
- don’t get stuck in the friend zone
- never trust a big butt and a smile

- Guap

Relationshits: Lady Scandals

I meet up with some peers at the local bar I went out to in colegio, and was drinking my drinks peeping the lady situation.  It’s college night so there are plenty of women and the drinks are cheap. I keep scouting, she’s fly, she’s alright, how did I not meet you in college? and there is no way she is old enough to be in here…

Then I see one little lady, she catches my eye, I catch hers. But I play it cool, ice cold. I keep talking with the buddies, then this little honey comes over and strikes up conversation with me. I’m thinking word, this is nice, I have no work to do other than be cool, ice cold. We talk. The convo goes well, she’s cool as shit, she’s funny, she’s got a body on her.  I even tell her bout living at the crib, my roommates being my parents, she says that’s sweet. I play it off like I’m just there to help them out, not cuz I don’t have a job or can’t afford to live anywhere else.

I try hiding it, then it comes up, no job. I thought she was going to bounce, she looked like she would be bout the benjamins and i’m lucky to have some washingtons in my wallet. She doesn’t even seem bothered. I’m like word? This chick is way to good to be true.

We dance. This girl can bump and grind like R.kelly came on. In my head I’m thinking tonight’s going to be a good night, turns out the black eyed peas song tonight was what we were dancing to at the time, coincidence? maybe. I hadn’t danced like that with a girl since teen nights at the bar freakin a chick like a afterhours music video on BET.  Closing time, I got no place to go, I can’t go home. She saves the day, come to my place. DONE!

At her place kicking it, talking, getting a bit touchy feely. I got butterflies start thinking you belong to me like taylor swift minus the interruptions, I blame the patron shots. I’m bout to go in for the kiss and the door opens. I felt like a kid in high school making out when the parents bust in the door. Quick sit up straight like nothing is happening just watchin the credits roll by on the movie. Turns out to be some dude who’s big as fuck. I’m 5’10” 157 on a good day, this dude was 6’4” at least 270. He says who the fuck are you? Thank you liquid courage, I say who the fuck are you! She says that’s my boyfriend….

I say you have got to be shitting me. He’s like so who are you. I’m like man we were talking at the bar, she invited me over. She says, you told me you were coming over. I say hold the fuck up! Man, she invited me and not once did she say anything about her boyfriend. He gets mad starts yelling, throwing stuff around. I tinkle in my pants a bit. I do a quick scan to make sure neither of them could tell.

They start yelling at each other, she starts crying. I’m just wondering what is going on. Next thing I know someone comes downstairs, half asleep. Tells us to shut up. Then he sees the girl tells her to come to bed. Big guy looks at him and is like who the hell are you?! Now skulls are going to be broken. He’s like I’m her boyfriend, who are you. Shit his the fan and hits me in the face, actually it was just splatter from an empty beer can that got thrown across the room.

Now I’m sitting in silence, trying to take this all in, trying to sober up, trying to figure out an escape plan, going through my phone while watching making sure no one comes after me. Girl’s crying. Two boyfriends yelling now, turns out everyone forgot I was even there. I get up from the couch, sneak out the back door. Never have I been so grateful for freshair.

I run! I don’t want them dudes coming after me. I get to my friends place, I take a shot and drink a beer. My heart slows down I can breathe normally. Everything is ok. Women are scandalous and that’s why I’m single.

Recap:
- Women are scandalous
- Don’t get stuck in the Friend Zone
- Never trust a big butt and a smile

- Guap

You Just Got Knocked the F@&K Out

I don’t know why but there aren’t too many things in life that make ya boy Drama happier then seeing other people’s misfortunes. Especially if their shortcomings transpire in a violent matter; specifically when a minority exerts revenge on the oppressors (you know who you are). Now in high school I was always the guy that showed up the second after the last punch was thrown so high school sucked; but all was reconciled one faithful night during the downfall of summer 09, I was fortunate enough to witness some loud mouth, full of himself fuck face get knocked.

….. and before you ask, no I don’t hate white people… I hate everyone. Hit the jump for an epic tale

(for reference, I’m Caucasian, ya’ll are white, get ya knowledge up, there is a difference)