Royal and I recently just spent some time kicking it in Denver Colorado. The sunshine state. Purple mountains majesty, thin air, and home to the biggest disappointment since the Erin Andrews sex tape. That disappointment….
“Coyote ugly” refers to a situation encountered after a night of consuming alcohol whereby a person, usually male, wakes the next morning in a strange bed with a sexual partner from the previous evening who is completely physically undesirable (see ugly, nasty, two bagger) and sleeping on the man’s arm. The hapless male would rather gnaw off his own arm than wake the woman and have to face the ills of his intoxicated choices the previous evening. Originating from a phenomena whereby a coyote captured in a jaw trap will chew off its own leg to escape certain death.
Got it? Moving on.
We’ve all seen the movie. Hot girls dancing on the bar, body shots, an all around good time. That shit was even made into a reality show. With the flyest girls competing to dance on bars and make drinks for horny old men
I am here to tell you that is not the case. We got talked into going to downtown Denver and hitting up coyote ugly. Big mistake.
This particular night was especially bad. The only picture I could find on my crackberry was pretty blurry which is a blessing because they brought out the 3rd stringers. I’m talking girls that looked like they had been beaten with the rouge soviet era ugly stick, and so big they compromised the structural stability of the bar they were standing on. These girls were truly “Coyote ugly”.
They had choreographed dances to shitty songs (papa roach), an annoying girl on the mic yelling at people to do body shots, and signs everywhere saying not to touch the ladies on the bar. No problem there.
I am just here to let you know that Coyote Ugly Denver is NOT, I repeat, NOT Code 2 approved unless you want to have a terrible time…then go for it but proceed with caution.
For your consideration…
- Jonny D