Relationshits: Lady Scandals

I meet up with some peers at the local bar I went out to in colegio, and was drinking my drinks peeping the lady situation.  It’s college night so there are plenty of women and the drinks are cheap. I keep scouting, she’s fly, she’s alright, how did I not meet you in college? and there is no way she is old enough to be in here…

Then I see one little lady, she catches my eye, I catch hers. But I play it cool, ice cold. I keep talking with the buddies, then this little honey comes over and strikes up conversation with me. I’m thinking word, this is nice, I have no work to do other than be cool, ice cold. We talk. The convo goes well, she’s cool as shit, she’s funny, she’s got a body on her.  I even tell her bout living at the crib, my roommates being my parents, she says that’s sweet. I play it off like I’m just there to help them out, not cuz I don’t have a job or can’t afford to live anywhere else.

I try hiding it, then it comes up, no job. I thought she was going to bounce, she looked like she would be bout the benjamins and i’m lucky to have some washingtons in my wallet. She doesn’t even seem bothered. I’m like word? This chick is way to good to be true.

We dance. This girl can bump and grind like R.kelly came on. In my head I’m thinking tonight’s going to be a good night, turns out the black eyed peas song tonight was what we were dancing to at the time, coincidence? maybe. I hadn’t danced like that with a girl since teen nights at the bar freakin a chick like a afterhours music video on BET.  Closing time, I got no place to go, I can’t go home. She saves the day, come to my place. DONE!

At her place kicking it, talking, getting a bit touchy feely. I got butterflies start thinking you belong to me like taylor swift minus the interruptions, I blame the patron shots. I’m bout to go in for the kiss and the door opens. I felt like a kid in high school making out when the parents bust in the door. Quick sit up straight like nothing is happening just watchin the credits roll by on the movie. Turns out to be some dude who’s big as fuck. I’m 5’10” 157 on a good day, this dude was 6’4” at least 270. He says who the fuck are you? Thank you liquid courage, I say who the fuck are you! She says that’s my boyfriend….

I say you have got to be shitting me. He’s like so who are you. I’m like man we were talking at the bar, she invited me over. She says, you told me you were coming over. I say hold the fuck up! Man, she invited me and not once did she say anything about her boyfriend. He gets mad starts yelling, throwing stuff around. I tinkle in my pants a bit. I do a quick scan to make sure neither of them could tell.

They start yelling at each other, she starts crying. I’m just wondering what is going on. Next thing I know someone comes downstairs, half asleep. Tells us to shut up. Then he sees the girl tells her to come to bed. Big guy looks at him and is like who the hell are you?! Now skulls are going to be broken. He’s like I’m her boyfriend, who are you. Shit his the fan and hits me in the face, actually it was just splatter from an empty beer can that got thrown across the room.

Now I’m sitting in silence, trying to take this all in, trying to sober up, trying to figure out an escape plan, going through my phone while watching making sure no one comes after me. Girl’s crying. Two boyfriends yelling now, turns out everyone forgot I was even there. I get up from the couch, sneak out the back door. Never have I been so grateful for freshair.

I run! I don’t want them dudes coming after me. I get to my friends place, I take a shot and drink a beer. My heart slows down I can breathe normally. Everything is ok. Women are scandalous and that’s why I’m single.

Recap:
- Women are scandalous
- Don’t get stuck in the Friend Zone
- Never trust a big butt and a smile

- Guap

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